Biden’s Error-Ridden ‘Big Boy’ Press Conference

It was called Joe Biden’s ‘big boy” press conference.

Why even the White House agreed to that nickname is incomprehensible, as all it did was remind the world of David Sedaris’ short story from years ago called “Big Boy.”

In the piece, Sedaris describes his social horror at  being at someone else’s house for a party and going into the bathroom and finding a “big boy” in the toilet.

It was a poo that “was the absolute biggest piece of work I have ever seen in my life–no toilet paper or anything and just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito.”

Sedaris tells of how he was at a loss as to what to do – it would not flush, there was another person waiting, and he couldn’t just scoop it up and toss it out the window because the window faced the backyard and that’s where most of the people at the party were sitting.

Unlike Biden, and/or the Democrats who want him gone, he was eventually able to get it to flush down.

While tonight was not nearly as bad as the debate – yay! You got the decimal point on the prescription right! – Biden’s presser was not a total, complete, and utter disaster.

Of course, he did mention “Vice President Trump.”

And he did – a couple of times, use his “hey kid, pull my finger and I’ll give you a quarter” secret squirrel voice and whisper into the microphone.

And he did say his dad had kitchen table money discussions – while at some point, after his bankruptcy, that may have been true, but his dad was for some time quite rich. That glimmer of a wealthy youth has bugged him ever since.

He did say “Australia, …I already mentioned Australia…”

He admitted – proudly, it seemed – he had a list “given to him” of people to call on at the start of the press conference and then even messed up the NPR reporter’s name – how dare he?  Does he not know how insulting that is to progressives?  She made sure to correct him and then went on to trash the current government in Israel, Biden agreed with her as to the the “war cabinet” of Israel as it tries to destroy Hamas.

He did, by the way, claim his polling numbers were “better in Israel” than here.

He did say he has done 20 major events major event since the debate, reminding one of course of the “major prize” from “A Christmas Story.”  

Especially because Biden is so “frag-ee-lay.”

Biden talked about having 1,000 volunteers around the nation – that’s actually a low  number.

He yelled about the Republicans needing to focus controlling “guns not girls”– which is creepily inexplicable (from a PR perspective, someone in the campaign thought that was clever – it’s not.)

He said his doctors are satisfied with his health, except maybe the foot that his dog – presumably Commander – broke is still a problem.

He said Democrat convention delegates are “free to do whatever they want…”

He really really really did not mean that in a legally binding way.

He also insulted the political intelligence of every other Democrat in the country, saying he’s been a local candidate and it really  doesn’t matter who is at the top of the ticket on election day.

Wrong, stupid, and a lie as he very well knows.

But one of today’s funniest Biden moments came even before the press event, when he fulsomely introduced Ukraine President Zelensky as…President Putin.

There’s only on way to explain that: