Happy Decolonization Weekend!

It’s a given that Thanksgiving is evil.  The history, the annual event, the name all signify the horrors of our far from exceptional – really, not even run-of-the-mill – nation.

Combine the woeful – and typical –  American over-consumption with the undeniably racist, sexist, ableist, and unsustainably violent and heteronormative (Dad carves the meat?!?!) images consistent with this egregious event and one can clearly understand the importance of recognizing that this “holiday” (a word derived from “Holy Day,” don’t you know?) cannot continue to be “celebrated” in its current fashion.

That’s why our family – as we ourselves collectively define the term – will truly enjoy (especially because a certain never-to-be-named fascist ex-president really got indicted this time!) a joyous, eco-friendly Indigenous People’s Day (yes, of course what used to be called – Gaia help us – Columbus Day is also now called Indigenous People’s Day but we’ve decided that, considering the sacrifices they made and suffering they endured, there really should be two official days – veterans have two already so we’re just ensuring honor equity.)

But over our pre-prandial Only Certain Words Allowed with Friends game today, we started thinking more deeply about the representational and intersectionality issues and realized that getting rid of the dreaded “thanksgiving” is not nearly enough as this whole weekend is a sybaritic parody of “Americanism.”  

Ick.

That’s why we are re-imagining – and taking back – this whole time period with the name “Decolonization Weekend!”

Now, we all know that terms like “black eye,” “black hole,” “black sheep,” and “black list” and the list goes on and terrifyingly on are inherently racist (and we won’t even discuss the hockey-based compounded racism of “black ice.”).  There are hundreds of synonyms and adjectival uses for black – almost all negative, while there are hundreds of synonyms and uses for white and they are almost all positive – case closed.

And there it was, staring us right in the face – Black Friday.  This orgy of unnecessary, climate destroying shopping – this truly horrific day – is actually called Black Friday.  This festering Friday fixture, foisted upon friends and fellow alike by fetid and foul fleecing financiers would, of course, have to be dubbed Black Friday in America – the sickening irony of tying white profligacy to Black poverty perfectly encapsulates why we must all keep doing the work.

To that end, we’re asking that we immediately move away from this term towards a more inclusive moniker – BIPOC Friday.  

By using BIPOC Friday, we will be constantly reminded – even if we shop, but not too much and only locally sourced and only from small shops that employ victims of white oppression –  of the mountain of progress that must still be climbed from the valley of shame upon which this (stolen) land was founded.

Beyond that term, we realized that Saturday – for some manipulative marketing reason – is called Small Business Saturday.  While we acknowledge the important role small businesses play in creating walkable, breathable local neighborhoods, we cannot forget the racist legacy they have created in many NOCs (neighborhoods of color).  

We therefore decided that Silent Saturday – staying inside oneself, tuning out the noise, and focusing on achievable plans for personal improvement –  was a more productive concept.

As to Sunday…nothing seemed to work well enough to shine a light on the miseries inflicted upon our planet by organized religion – particularly western Christ-based ideas that “celebrate” that day –  except Sadness Sunday.

Monday has been dubbed Cyber Monday and that—to us—seemed to make sense. Internet shopping is far more sustainable (a few electric trucks on the road instead of thousands of cars) and it is easier to determine if the retailer is the kind we would want to support – you can just check the comments and their ESG rating online!

One of our number suggested “Overlord Monday,” but that was deemed highly problematic for a whole host of reasons, including it being offensive hate speech to us tech workers. 

It seemed even Siri was triggered by the notion, as the misaligned suggester immediately started getting pings on his (preferred pronoun…not surprising…sigh) phone promoting books and videos on the history of something called “D-Day” just after he said it. 

None of us have any clue what any of that was about.

So do please put down the credit card, give your leftovers to charity, and take the weekend to reflect on the important and necessary improvements we can all make to ourselves and for those our society has wronged, and join us in a happy yet thoughtful Decolonization Weekend.

We know you’ll be better for it.

A quick note – to make absolutely sure that everything is now racist, I did a bit of internet research and came across the following story on NBC’s Today Show website:

“These 11 everyday words and phrases have racist and offensive backgrounds”

Finally, while I imagined the article above, it turns out life imitates satire. Here are some words of wisdom on the subject from University of Florida students:  Black Friday is a terrible day .

Sigh.