About Last Week: Gavin Spares Fresca!

In California, you are supposed to shun, disavow, and cancel anything immediately – and do it in front of a television camera if you can find one.

Texas? Evil governor of an evil state!  Oil companies? Evil profiteers! (no, it’s not the taxes and regulations).  Anyone that even hints letting 14 year olds cut off their breasts because they’re sad is bad?  Evil everything-a-phobe/ist!

Hamas brutally invades Israel, killing thousands?  Hmm, let me get back to you on that, you know you have to look at all sides, there’s some nuance and context that needs to be considered.

It’s true Gov. Gavin Newsom did send out a pair of tweets – one of which actually seemed genuine – and the capitol was lit up blue, but considering his penchant for standing up and babbling about meeting the moment of the existential threat of bigotry, the response has been comparatively muted.

Los Angeles County DA George Gascon, is another camera hog who pops off about every perceived injustice anywhere in the world. Hear that? It’s the sound of nothing, though in the background you might pick up the faint echo of crawling to the feet of the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), so far pretty much the only major LA political anything that is all-in on Gascon’s re-election.

Ah, the DSA – it’s fascinating that a pro-Hamas group controls 20 percent of the LA city council.  It’s like Klan members getting elected in Harlem – a socio-economic and demographic longshot, to say the least.

Speaking of longshots, as a writer, on occasion one receives job opportunity notices (especially when one signs up for those job websites.)  This week, I noticed a California company is hiring – Grindr, the LGBTQIAA+ dating website – needs a copy writer.  What the app is for is pretty self-evident in its name, so I wondered what exactly a copywriter would do there, besides whipping out old Penthouse. 

“Forums,” making a few gender changes, and cutting and pasting them somewhere.

I was wrong. The job requires the “ability to wear multiple hats and master multiple voices is key—the ideal candidate is equally adept at creating fun, sexy content that resonates with the LGBTQ+ community as well as corporate content aimed at a broader audience of investors, brand partners, and more.”

Requirements include “Deep knowledge of the Grindr app, the LGBTQ+ community, and trends in the online dating space” and “Fluency in queer pop culture and a passion for creating content that engages with the latest trending topics.”

While that knocks me out of contention, it does have good benefits, including “Queer-Inclusive Benefits: Industry-leading gender-affirming offerings with up to 90% cost coverage, access to Included Health, monthly stipends for HRT, and more.”

So, if I’m reading that correctly, Grindr will pay for me to become a girl and then back to a boy and then back to a girl and then a cowboy and then a duck and then a boy again. Now that’s tempting.

You know what else is tempting? Candy.

Last week, Newsom signed a bill banning certain food additives.  While the potential banning of Skittles (that additive got pulled from the list so they’re safe…for now) got most of the headlines, Peeps was forced to change their formula to cut the Red Dye #3 to keep being able to sell in the state come 2027.

Brominated vegetable oil (BVO) was also on the list.  Like a lot of things you can find on ingredients lists, BVO does not sound all that tasty. Know what’s going to replace it?  Glycerol Ester of Wood Rosin – now that sounds wonderful.

BVO was used in a number of citrus beverages like my beloved Fresca until about ten years ago – staying ahead of the game! –  when it was swapped out in favor of glycerol ester of wood rosin.

First, its completely safe.  Second, it’s made out of – five points if you guessed it– pine tree stumps.  Seriously.  And I have absolutely no problem with that.

But I have a bad feeling it cannot be too far behind on the banning cavalcade, so a warning to Gavin – you can pry my can of Fresca from my cold, dead hands!!

Speaking of cold hands, Newsom dampened homecoming weekend by vetoing a bill that would have provided free condoms to high schoolers.

The bill was meant to cut teen pregnancy and STD transmission rates, but came under fire for being icky and wrong and for giving a potential new meaning to “I have to go to the principal’s office.”

And speaking of the principal’s office, the governor did sign a bill that eliminates “willful defiance” as a reason a kid can get tossed out of school.

I wonder if having unprotected sex in the back of the classroom would be considered willful defiance?  Doesn’t matter now, I guess.

But it does bring up an interesting question – what if a kid refuses to wear a mask in class, if (and when if Barbara Ferrer ever gets her way) mask mandates make a comeback?  Seems to be willful defiance – in a good way – to me; wonder if they’ll get booted anyway?

Actually – don’t have to wonder – they will.

Thanks for reading the Globe!